Sad, but loved

August 21st, 2010 § 0 comments § permalink

A single rose can be my garden… a single friend, my world.–Leo Buscaglia

Well, I apologize for taking so long to post again; however, I have been busy with my move to Minnesota. I needed some time to think before I wrote this post because the topic upsets me a bit.

Even though I never felt like the state was my home, it was with great sadness that I left Arkansas. I had lived there for almost ten years and it was not so much the state I was leaving, but it was my close friends. In addition to a few family members, they were all I had and I loved them perhaps closer than brothers or sisters. They held me up when I started to fall, showed me the light when it had all but faded from my path, and one even saved my life.

So, when I left Arkansas and UALR, the two places that came the closest to being my “home,” it was painful. I understand that leaving Arkansas and moving to Minnesota so I can attend UMN for my doctorate was necessary for my future. The next four years will help me become the type of scholar I wish to be and while it was more difficult to leave those who befriended me in Arkansas, I cannot always expect my friends to be a short distance from me. This is something that has required a great adjustment in my thinking.

I felt loved when I left the South and I feel loved now by those close to me, by those I had to leave behind. I suppose it is important to remember that I am always in constant contact given the highly mediated nature of our society; however, it is not the same. But, that is fine. Sameness is not always rightness.

As Heraclitus once remarked, “It is in changing that we find purpose.” I try and remember this as I soldier on through this existence, this world that is both foreign and native to me. I have tremendous support, more than I had previously thought, and believe that this is where I belong. I am sad to leave my close friends, but I am cheerful to meet new friends and peers.

My friends know how much they mean to me and that I would do anything for them. I serve my friends because I have little else in this world besides them and my studies. Both are eternal and shape my world into one with meaning.

Where Am I?

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